Hello, my dear blogging friends...Thank you, thank you, thank you, so very much for all your wonderful comments and emails of well wishes...hearing from you is just what the doctor ordered! There is such great comfort in knowing that people care about you. I only feel bad because I haven't been around to visit all of you and do the same...we all need to know that we are missed and that someone enjoys hearing from us...I really, really enjoy hearing from you!
I'm just taking a few minutes to let you know that we are doing much better, and my husband is just finishing his second round of antibiotics for pneumonia, and seems to be beating it this time. My daughter has escaped any illness...Praise God! Needless to say, I am exhausted, drained, pooped, and tired. The christmas tree is down, but everything is still up, and I have no energy to tackle it. Neighbors and friends have been wonderful about bringing food, and making sure we aren't starving...not that missing a few meals would hurt us!
I feel a very strong calling to get my house in order...since last September, when I had to go to emergency and then to urgent care two times, I've realized that I must get my head out of the sand and deal with important issues...one of which is to get a living trust and will prepared so my daughter will be provided for. I think 've lived in denial for years, but the thought occured to me, "What if I don't come home from the hospital...what will happen to my daughter?" I also need to take a serious look at all my "stuff", as my husband is having a difficult time finding things, or he's running into things, or he's breaking things. The cabinets need to be reorganized and everything has to be put in a certain place so he can find it...same thing with the refrigerator. Its easy for me to forget that he can't see like I do, and I just put things wherever there's a spot, but that doesn't work for him...I will find him standing in front of the fridge or the cupboard, searching for whatever, and I realize that it has to change...and I have to change it. I have to consider packing things up and storing them, or getting rid of them altogether. That will be difficult for me...I love my "stuff"...having pretty things around me, dishes and teacups, all those breakable things!...but they are in his way, so it will take some real creative planning to display them without having them out and in the path of destruction! Perhaps it is time to let go and feel the freedom...I'm ready for the "less is more" lifestyle...gaining freedom from the cares of the world is something that has been on my mind for a very long time!
There is a place in my heart that is not right about all this...perhaps I am on the pity-pot and a little resentful that my life isn't like that of my friends. I don't have the freedoms that most women my age have, and there are times the load seems too difficult for me to carry. BUT...I KNOW that isn't true...I am able bodied, I have sooooooo much to be grateful for...I want for nothing, and God has been so good to me, how can I complain? Yet I find that I do, and it has to stop. I have to stand back and take a hard look at my attitude and also my habits...lack of good organization can take me to the heights of irritation and depression...my daughter has a paper fettish, so I'm constantly removing papers from her grasp, and sometimes forget where I've stashed them...spending hours looking for a paper is frustrating.
Its time for some true new year's resolutions. I have to be careful not to get sidetracked and let the Tyranny of the Urgent control me. Have any of you read that marvelous little book? It is quite tiny, but is packed with important truths that can change lives. There is also a workbook, but I don't have it...perhaps its time.
Anyway, this year I will be 65, and I've decided that there is a fork in my road...I will either get healthier, both in mind and body, or I will slide into neglect and deterioration...its my choice. This takes much thought and even more prayer, because I don't have the knowledge or wisdom to get me through, but the Lord does, and my dependence is on Him. One thing I know...I must listen to the still, quiet voice of God, and immediately carry out His directions. With my family circumstances as they are, my future is truly in His hands, and that scares me, because I don't know what His plans are. I can't control any of it...I can't heal my daughter's brain or my husband's eyes, and I can't guarantee that I will outlive them...if I could outlive them, I could make sure they were taken care of...I could control it...but I can't, so my faith must be strong.
And so my blogging may be on hold for another week, or perhaps two, or maybe even three, but I do want to come back with a sense of peace and clarity, and with happy things to talk about. I will visit and post as often as I can, as I do miss all of you so very much. I want to tell you what is happening in my heart as well as sharing tea things and decorating with you. I so enjoy all of the beautiful stories and photos that you all share with me, and they lift my spirits so very much...I want to do the same for you...i want to re-do my blog background, create better photos, etc....for now, though, I'm just not there.
God bless you all...my prayers are with each and every one of you.
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